A memoir- reminiscences from Avinashilingam University-An insider’s memory.

grey inside-grey outside, PC:Tumblr
grey inside-grey outside, PC:Tumblr

“May be I should have held on longer or at least now learn from the lessons I was given”.

“The place you hate will give you experiences to recall with pride later-if you survive”

“Join me sister, you are not the only ones who hate this place, we are in this together”

“What shall you learn from a place if it isn’t different from your home?”.

“Dear temple, though you made me tear and bleed, you sculpted me in the end, for which I thank You”.

2011- APRIL:

tumblr_lciiyzxQ9J1qakaydo1_500

MUM: “You are going to no co-education college, you ought to pick either Avinashilingam university or PSGR Krishnammal College for Women  or if you want to stay in the district, you can pick CSI college of engineering”.

ME: “I’d rather not attend college than be stuck in this district in that boring college, I’d go to PSGR Krishnammal”

MUM: “Its far for me to come visit, dad’s going abroad too… am putting you in Avinashilingam.”

ME: “I am not going to PSGCAS nor GRD so anywhere else you put me would make no difference” (Actually , it did).

634878068095300633_Avinashilingam School of Management Technology Campus

DAY OF THE 12TH BOARD RESULTS

. Mum and I had left early from home, (2 days before the results) and were at a Browsing centre crowded with people who had also made their way here early to hand over register numbers over the crowded counter. Two guys on the computer were asking people to stay calm (pacifying people is hard in cities of India at times of need)  and neatly write down their register numbers and their names on a white sheet and pass it over while they poke the traffic-laden 12th board results’ website , to get the results of all people standing through the little alleyway. Apparently everybody was here to secure early admissions to Avinashilingam University, admissions from across the state and beyond. Renowned for its disciplinarian, culture-tipped, educational achievements and a clean , healthy campus rid of mobile phones and playboy troubles of the city, it was a haven for safety seeking parents who would want their daughters to atleast secure a degree. It was the penultimate solution for not-so-well off families who would dream of a good degree, exposure and a job. This campus was packed with oppurtunities and jobs, I’d never deny that.

tumblr_neya39Nixg1tfyseno1_500

Mum thought this was a gift, a luxury. She studied in the school campus of this same university and was a bit sentiment driven. When I stepped in I could only see crowds of people rushing over. I couldn’t find sentiment , not in a gray campus. No sentiment, not at all, the only emotion that I harbored was “ SELF PITY”, what the hell would I tell my school friends about where I had ended up?. No, this wasn’t the college life I imagined. I cursed Coimbatore for not having a Journalism UG course. I cursed my friend Indu for telling me she would come here but went off to Amrita Vishwavidyapeetham instead. Of all the people , I cursed my mother more. Fortunately I wasn’t the only one, almost every girl here  was cursing her parents (on the inside and openly). I got onto stage to hand over the hostel bill to the warden when a girl came introduced herself to me, (apparently she didn’t like it here too), said she was from some hip-convent school in Tirupur. (she must have assumed I am from a convent from my dressing). She told me that there was no plug point in the hostel and no mobile phones were allowed. I turned and looked shocked at my mother, Mum said sarcastically “What? You didn’t know?”.

Forget mobile phones, how will I help my aching heart without music? Where the hell was I supposed to charge my MP3 player?.  The girl exclaimed at me, “Maths? You are taking maths? You like it? Isn’t it hard?”. That is what every girl from a rich family that I met on the campus asked me for the next one year throughout because they had all taken easier courses, (textile designing, interior design, food science and nutrition, psychology) girly courses I would call them. It isn’t like, if you wear cotton salwars and hold your conditioned hair in a banana catch clip, you have to do an easier course. While they pitied me for taking a hard course, I pitied them for going to become Husband- dependant some years later, plenty of money but none of that money would be truly yours. Independence is what makes a girl cool and hot. They think its shiny footwear. I can’t help them. Infact in this campus I couldn’t even help myself.

INTO THE HOSTEL, A ROUGH 20 DAYS LATER:

First day to hostel, was supposed to be there by 5 p.m , I was late. I had called up a girl from BBA tourism that I met on the admission day and she was already in campus. Mum and sister accompanied me. They left me at the gate and I met up with the warden who told me, “Bsc maths? R.NO 64. and hurry up to the auditorium for prayer”. I forgot even to tell mum and sister goodbye. Some hostel worker helped me with my luggage( I had to pay her later) unfortunately it was the highest last floor, R.NO.64 but I liked the room. The temple sort of white washed peace, in a gray stone masonry building. I ran down and found my way to the auditorium. I was late and was sitting with the seniors.

The warden began taking attendance, she called up one room  number after the other. Later she gave us rules that seemed soft and fine at first, well you couldn’t question because every sentence we were told was punctuated with, “This is for your own good, you are gifted to be in this campus, the world beyond is horrible, you are safe here, you don’t know what happens in the city”. If this place was abominable, the things you heard from the city were like tales from a half burnt hell returned woman who waved out to you, “Don’t come out, don’t ever come out”.

When R.NO 64 was called, four smiling girls  stood up, turned and looked at me from the front row, I smiled at them, they back at me. I joined them after prayer (We were supposed to leave in a line). I met them at the washroom. It was a pretty clean place and every body seemed to scared to talk to anybody else other than their roommates. “Hi, said a friendly voice, I am Dhanalakshmi, R.No.64. From her dressing and accent  I could say she was from Ooty, and yes she was (She was from Gudalur but anyway that is part of the district).  I got introduced to the others, friendly smiling ones, felt warm inside. A serious studious Anushiya from Salem( whose occasional hearty smile faded away  that  studious impression), funny boyish(mannish actually) Monisha from Thuneri, Ooty (was I glad!!!) and a sad, teary eyed girl who would later leave the hostel because of us (her actually). “Lets go for dinner,” they said and we left down the stairs just like everybody else, swarming in the darkness like a little wayward but organized swarm of bees to the dining hall. They had a separate hall for the freshers. All halls had the Japanese type low lying tables, where you had to sit cross legged on the floor (It wasn’t so bad, I expected steel chairs and tables but this was more comfortable). The food was good , sometimes disastrous because of some kitchen carelessness but otherwise, good. There was a creature, a crazy friend named Monica whom I met later, who never ate even a spoonful from the dining hall, she lived on packed snacks for two semesters that I knew.

What irritated me the most was keeping on being pecked by senior leaders, I didn’t like it but couldn’t show it out. I couldn’t even show that I hated being here, because if I admitted I don’t like the place, people would assume I had a boyfriend. You can have a bomb at Avinashilingam university hostel, not a boyfriend. You will get your life blown up. Wait till I tell you.

ORIENTATION DAY- ORIENTED CROSS LEGGED INSIDE FENCES:

The next day I woke up from my four-poster bed with prickly eyes and a nauseating sensation, it was 4.30a.m,  we had to be at the auditorium for prayer at 5. Brushed and hatefully joined everybody to attendance and then prayer.(Should have bathed I thought). Hindus, Muslims and Christians had  separate prayer halls. Here prayer was not about connecting with God, I don’t remember anybody telling me that, prayer was to maintain discipline, so you could become a responsible house-wife later on (Who are you to tell me what to become? I wanted to ask, but how could I ask the warden, tell me? You have no idea, I swear, I have nothing against them but I am angry because they almost got me killed). I didn’t like the fascist approach and later calling it achievement. There was nothing evil as of. But many parts of the disciplinarian hostel system was like “Hanging a prisoner without trial”. So DISCIPLINE WAS SUPPOSED TO COME OUT OF FEAR? NOT VOLUNTARILY? HOW WILL THESE GIRLS RUN A FAMILY IF THEY CAN’T APPRECIATE DISCIPLINE?.

Campus building, courtesy of website
Campus building, courtesy of website

They hadn’t given us prayer books. So we had to wait, sit and listen to the monotonous drone of the prayer songs ( I liked one Carnatic singer though, a truly talented singer. She was a Malayalee from one of the Gulf countries, a favorite of all, including the staff). You can’t fall asleep or even tip your head because the warden was watching everybody from the stage like a monarch watching his court. Day break was going to come but we all usually came back and slept till it was breakfast, we did that ritual faithfully from day one, until I left. It was the first day , they called it “orientation”, seniors took students (Department wise) around the campus and explained to us the rules and regulations and the penalties of being caught with a mobile phone. I kept glancing at the pretty canteen, the food court beyond shaded  with trees and the fresh juice stall just opposite it (it was my heaven, I still wish I could go back). Placards and chart boards were placed all around the campus with wordings like “ Sisters, waltz into the ragging free campus”, “100%- ragging free campus”. Okay, very nice I thought, until… wait till I tell you(If everybody was equally bullied by the system, ragging wouldn’t be a big deal now would it?). The auditorium was overflowing with freshers’ parents, apparently mum was inside. But I couldn’t meet her ,not easily. A humble girl, very politely (vaanga, ponga in Tamil) apparently not from the city came and asked me were her department people were standing, I pointed the way. Later they asked us to get inside a fenced area which I later realized to be the Basketball court. When all of us first years were inside the open  but fenced space, they locked the gate and asked us to sit. I was shocked from tip to toe. “College students or sheeps and pigs?” I thought. “Had I been in some other college!” I yelled to myself inside.

My head ache shot up a little more than  it had already been. I began getting disgusted. Suddenly somebody I recognized called out to me, it was the father of my old school mate whom I hadn’t met in 2 years(his daughter was here too). He said “Hello child, your mum is waiting for you there”, when I looked mum was standing tired, flushed and holding on to the fence like how visitors to jail do. “Mum”, I said. She asked how I was and if I ate, how my room was etc. I couldn’t begin telling her how much I hated the place already. She said she was staying in her friend’s house and that my little sister had severe wheezing because she was crying badly that I was gone ( Now that is surprising I thought she never did that before). They said they were leaving today. I said okay fine bye.

There began the maddening yet life-teaching journey inside that campus, I knew I’d be stuck there. I at least wanted to learn to pretend I am okay,  to adjust…. I just couldn’t figure out how. Everything here seemed wrong and pitted up against my long-held principles. I had read and admired only revolutionary stuff, but here? .Tomorrow morning again I had to bathe in cold water before I used my perfumed anti-perspirant.In the hills all my life I had bathed in steaming water, not bad leave it, come on, I thought.  Little worries like sweat and heat and noise of footwear  began clouding with bigger ones about my future in my head. “Shrutthi… you are so dead” I thought. And perhaps my prediction was right…The place had already began killing me, will it succeed? . (To be continued.)

Yes you are, you are so dead
Yes you are, you are so dead
Advertisements

“Ads that totally “Nailed It” -2014- The Indian Commercial Scene”

Nescafe- The Stammering Standup Comedian

nescafe

When I watched this ad once again to  blog about it, I couldn’t help but help myself to some coffee (Nescafe instant blended with local coffee actually ). The commercial gradually reveals the standup comedian’s setbacks, perseverance, offbeat thought, persistence and the mild thread spins saying that can convert your very setback into your trademark, your unique brand to the palate of the audience. In the commercial he says “ Coffee kept me going”. Brilliant it was to draw a link between coffee and stand-up comedy. “You don’t have to be perfect to be too good”.

________________________________________________________________________________

Bajaj Avenger- Feel like God

bajaj4

This commercial isn’t just for bike and motor lovers alone. Definitely it is not. For a person like me, who from childhood felt bikes are not as fascinating as they are thought to be this was an opinion- churner at that. This is not just about what the cruise bike can do, it is about what it makes you feel like. What say you? He forgives his father, He forgives women ( one woman for not marrying him apparently), He forgives his barber, He forgives his boss, He forgives the government for the bad roads and his past, ‘coz He feels like GOD.  Manliness, deliberate acceptance of setbacks, stylishness without over doing it, not linking bikes with babes, vintage-like contemporariness, the Ad appeals to WANNA-BE-KINGS of the road and good commercial lovers alike. The BGM nails it. Way to go. Review forums go all praise about the commercial:http://www.mouthshut.com/product-reviews/Bajaj-Avenger-I-feel-Like-God-commercial-reviews-925051802

__________________________________________________________________________________

Amazon Kindle Paperwhite- The Joy of Reading

kindle

The website named “Creativity” describes the commercial: “This Uplifting Amazon Kindle Ad Totally Nails the ‘Joy of Reading’.” “Spot Filmed in Sri Lanka Tells the Story of a Journey to a Remote Island”. Passionate music adheres itself to the theme and visual of the commercial so much that more than just thinking of buying  E-reader Kindle Paperwhite from Amazon, I downloaded the BGM and the ad because it was too appealing, central with the job loving lonesome traveler who undergoes various emotions whilst reading as he travels on a plane, a train, a bus, a boat onwards to get the story delivered elsewhere to children. The joy of reading and delivering and highlighting the efficiency and portability of the E-reader, The ad agency Leo Burnett India strikes a chord.

_______________________________________________________________________________

 Samsung Galaxy Note 4- Dad and Daughter

And  who says modern day dads who do presentations and hit board-meetings can never have a cool head and spend time with their sweet daughter princess?. This cool dad does cup-cake sweet things for his daughter, packs her up to school, spends time with her there and still manages to conjure up a presentation at his daughter’s school with what he finds around him. Cool dad indeed. Boys must learn from him.

I could not find a suitable captionable pic so check out the link on youtube if you haven’t watched the commercial:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pfExn-mJhKU

________________________________________________________________________________

Carlton Luggages- The new face of business

Carlton-TVC.jpg

With tons of start-ups, under- thirty business owners with huge turnover companies and aspiring entrepreneurs in the economic grounds of the country, this commercial of an overseas brand does not fail to make an impact. “Business is not about age or experience, Business is about packing your ideas”. Yes indeed and they packed it with zeal and silent expertise. “Carlton appeals to the new generation business leader.” writes http://www.bestmediainfo.com

________________________________________________________________________________

Idea – IIN:

idea

He did not read how to do it, he learnt how to make it. The boy does not get successful the conventional way. But conventional success deems him an achiever through his efforts. “The eggs do come flying dad”.He makes an UAV/ drone simply by learning from the internet and proves his worth to his otherwise skeptical businessman father.

__________________________________________________________________________________

With the changing scenario in commercial (visual-ad) grounds the ones that catch the eye and remain in memory are those that get through the boredom and “Not-believe-worthy” skepticism and make the audience like the product so much that they remember it. The ones that make the mark are those which do not over do it  being offbeat yet manage an emotional connect with the audience  without looking silly. This year has seen a renaissance in the field of advertising and marketing without faux-stylish run-o-the mill themes. Way to go indeed dear advertising agencies.

_________________________________________________________________________________

The Monk and The Escape artist “ALIAS” The saint and The sinner. The journey in the head.

__

a message for one another, traveller
a message for one another, traveller

______________________________________________________________________________________________

“When you know you are going to die, when you look back at life, remember to have created memories that don’t disgust you about yourself”.

“You cannot destroy a man fully unless you defeat his principles. That is why the GOOD live on and on”.

“The one person who will chase you and pin you to the ground and make you face what you don’t want to is —YOU”. “YOU will find you, no matter how hard you run”.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

The monk travelled alongside the sinner. They travelled through long mountain passes and had not spoken to each other. They guessed each other’s identities and lives and were interested to know more. The sinner was afraid, afraid he would be judged by the other man. The monk on the other hand was not very judgmental for he knew whatever came his way would contribute to his wisdom( he never thought his wisdom was too big). he just wanted to know, “why?”. For he would patiently listen to anyone for he knew patience was the ultimate way to attain peace.

E= the thief alias “The Escape Artist”; M= The Monk

a journey
a journey

E: “You hungry? We can look in the nearby village.

M; “No I am not, I am used to travelling with an empty stomach. You do not have any money, how will you get food?. Asking for alms?

E: That is what people in your clothes do, I don’t ask, I take. Its every man’s right to satisfy himself

M: Oh really. Isnt taking stealing?. Are you a thief?

E:Thief ?? haa have you never found the “itch” to take?

M:I have, when I was young but haven’t you hated it when somebody “took” from you and made you feel bad?

E: “Ha ha and I am not a thief, call me “escape artist”. I escape with style when my job is done, so “escape artist” should sound good.

(Both laugh)

“How much more long to the next village?”

M: “Less than an hour I guess.”

E: “You have been through here before?”

M: “No, I just know it .just like I knew I would learn something by travelling this journey with you.”

E: “So that is why you left the motel  when I left?”

M: “The soul is a subconscious force, it has its reasons, I may not clearly get it at first”.

E: “You people call it “Intuition”, I call  it “ah let me do it”.

“You believe in Good and bad I suppose because you are a monk.”

M: “You believe bad is also good I suppose, because you are a thief.

(They laugh)

“You and I are not very different actually, have you heard of Yin and Yang?”

Yin and Yang- The principle of Duality
Yin and Yang- The principle of Duality

E: “That is an inside joke  between us now, isn’t it? Oh yeah Yin and Yang, opposite energies that comprise the same thing. Now tell me what do you do from dawn?”

M: “ I wake up, without anybody to wake me, I cleanse my body, I fill my mind with peace. I train my body to give my mind peace. I eat, half my stomach. I clean around the place I live. I feed the birds and animals. I ask for alms. I sometimes relish on some fruit that is offered. I read, I fill my mind, I practice. I write down what I have learnt when I learn something new. I spend my evenings with old  and learned people, sometimes I play with little children. I nurse the sick. I help those who need help. I water plants. I ask for food, I eat, I meditate then I go to sleep.

What about you?”

The "artist" in him
The “artist” in him

E :“I get up, whenever I feel like. I see what I don’t have, I go looking for it. I hide myself in any crowd. I blend in, I finish my work. I look for what is adventurous and challenging, I still get what I want at the end of my day.I feel good.

I still don’t see how you and I are not that different”

M: “I can tell you so many examples”

E: “Go on.. I’m listening”(smiling).

M: “You do things because you think you are right, I do things because I don’t want to be wrong.”

2)“You do things because you want to be liked by few(among your crew) , I do things because I do not want to be hated.”

3)“Both you and I don’t have normal lives,  like how people say and we both think we are right”

547800_348607741871467_80742428_n

4)“Occassionally you see yourself as useless, low and evil. Occassionally I see myself as something good, useful and helpful”.

5)“You do things to feel better, I don’t do things to remain better”.

6)“You think it is your right, I think it is my duty” (smiling)

7)“You cannot wait , I cannot plunge forward, not for myself”.

8)“You live on others’ losses and pain, I live on others’ happiness and little cherishings”.

9)“You help yourself using people, I help people using myself”.

10)“You fill your stomach and your cupboard, I fill my heart and my head”.

11)“ You have trained your physique more, I have trained my mind more”.

E:“Enough, enough!!”… he snapped. “Vile accusations.. You  talk like a monk, that is all. Well that is how “different” we are, not how “similar”!!”

M:“We are similar because I could fit us both into the same sentence” smiled the monk.

“There is  no good and bad in action son, he continued. There is only good and bad in the “outcome” of action. The thing is, if I change, people would consider me Good atleast for sometime. But even if you change , people will consider you “Bad” forever.

E:“Why would I change? its not like I need help..!!”

M:“Oh don’t you really?, not my help…but you need some  help, I suppose.”

(—— SILENCE——-)

E:“No! I steal and hurt only others, in the end I get what I want..somehow or I try anew,  I don’t need help, I am the master of my life”.

M:“You don’t seem to have mastered your temper”.

E:“Its not like you don’t get angry”

M:“I am not angry yet so I speak”

E:“With every step I take I get something anew”.

M:“Yes and with every step you take, you are leaving a part of your soul behind. You are not running towards something son, you are running away from something, you are afraid of yourself or an able man like you would not have to steal and hurt other people”

E:“What?? me?? What soul? does the soul get hungry or upset like I do.?”

M:“Son, you are a soul…. you are stuck in that container called body and you do get upset”.

E:“Monk talk, bla bla bla….stop that scum, you are embarrasing”.

M:“ I can easily forget this journey when I go to sleep and love myself the way I always did but I am pretty sure you can’t”.

E: “Whatever, you are psychotic”.

“You think you know me well enough huh?”

M:“No, no not at all, I know ME well which is why I can understand you..”

E:“Will you be quiet??”

M:“Fine..”

——–Hours later———-

E:“Can I ask you something?”

M:“Yes”

E:“Why are you a monk?”

M:“The same as why you are “a taker”, a “thief”.”

E:“And why would that be?”  with his eyebrows raised.

M:“I didn’t like the man I used to be. I hurt others for my ambitions . The second thing I said is a little unlike you”

E:“And what were you doing?”

M:“Can’t say…”

E:“okay..”

M:“And you are a thief because you were tired of playing good and decent?”

E:“And tired of never being understood or rewarded”.

M:“You should have remained the way you were.”

E:“Oh ,…why? I am free from everybody and everything now. I choose what happens, I don’t wait for rewards, I get them”.

M:“But you are only stuck within yourself, probably missing your old self. I don’t know. Not sure. Only you know.”

E:“If you are so righteous why not punish me or judge me with something? Like with that cane you monks use to train with?”

M:“I am not righteous, you are not wrong.Who am I to punish you?. We belong in the same world in the same time. Judging monks as  people too high and thieves as too low a creature will only deepen the furrow between good and evil, between beautiful and ugly and there will be no balance, no peace, no friendship, no healing. I had a past and you have a future, if you choose it”

(——-SILENCE——)

E:“I don’t find anything wrong with me now…”

M:“But can you feel anything, like when you are all alone and go to bed?”

(——–SILENCE——–)

E:“Did you come all this way to teach me this and you want to change me?”

M:“Son wrong again, you know it all already, may be am just reminding you, if you want to part ways now I can go on my own..”

E:“No thanks… I could use some company .. FOR NOW”.

———-TWO DAYS LATER——–

M:“You may have hurt yourself back in the past or remained a loser. But you had a face. A mind.“

E:”What’s wrong with me now?? Nothing that bad”.

M:“Now there is only a shadow that looks fine. But its just a shadow.That is just my opinion. I imagined what it feels to be you that is all, just like you feel being a monk is pathetic”.

E:“I never said you are pathetic..”

M:“You looked at me in a way that said that when we began the journey”.

(——-SILENCE——)

M:“ Son see , Nobody except you cares why you are a thief. Everybody cares only that you are a thief”.

(——–SILENCE FOR MILES——–)

Third day, the eve of parting ways.

He goes one way, the other goes another. At the junction of the juncture the thief/escape artist asks, “Lots of things you said were things that were never told to me may be, I want to know why you would tell me all this? What do you get from all of this? Just that you wanted somebody to agree with you?”

M:“See I came because I felt like coming and I needed company three days back, both you and I will learn something from each other. That is all that matters”.

“ And by the way, we are not allowed to speak much unless necessary. Not for us but for others. They say it is a sign and duty of empathy”

E:“So what made you think I would listen to you and not  walk away?”.

M:“We are taught to read the aura … its is not mind reading for me to be exact”.

E:“And what did my so called AURA tell you?”

M:“The same that it tells you everyday before you put it off, before I put it off in the past– That you are hurt and bleeding somewhere”

E:“And you heard it so you came along with me?”

M:“ I didn’t hear it, I saw it.”

he turns and walks.

E:“Wait… where did you see it?”

M:“ ON YOUR FACE , its written right there and you can’t hide it. By the way I didn’t mean to offend you, make you look desperate or make you look like a specimen. That is your choice, this is mine. I cannot claim I am right, I could be wrong. You can think for yourself and speak for yourself, for only YOU can, just like I did”.

The monk walks down the slope towards the narrow bridge seated with chirping birds that fly away as he walks on. The other man stares for a while and continues on with his journey.

think there
think there

———————————————————————————————————————————————————–

The Stillness within- Decoding the Signs of “DESTINY”

Disclaimer: I humbly disclose that the following are solely my personal individual opinions and I do not endorse them unless you feel they are worthy to follow or practice or even accept.- Shrutthi S.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

Death is just one of the many ways you can lose your life. It is just one of the many. One more is living a life dictated only by existing beliefs without finding a path of your own, that is not “REVOLTING”, that is called “LOSING YOUR LIFE”.

“All wisdom springs in those who have suffered enough pain and  those who have experimented too much and analyzed equally much, such are the people who make up quotes you read on the internet”.

“Indeed Tom, your failure to understand that there are things much worse than death has always been your greatest weakness”-  Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, Order of Merlin, First Class. (Courtesy of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Page 718).

_________________________________________________________________________________

purpose-1-6
ask yourself repeatedly, until life answers back … WHY

 

For some death is the biggest thing to fear about. They live for themselves. Some fear loss of loved ones, they live for them. Some fear dying without finding any meaning in their lives, some fear living without finding any meaning at all. People of this kind are those who have endured all kinds of fear including those mentioned above.

“You call somebody “Too Good” or “Too bad” judging only upon their interaction with you , it means you know the world very less.“Life is not fair, simple” said Bill Gates. It does not mean you have to get heartless and give up on every virtue you have treasured and join the lot. It means you have to retreat, within yourself like a serpent retreating into its hole and understand why you are here, who  you are with reference to the people and events around you, in family, society and beyond, understand what sets you apart, listen to that voice in your head that pushes you in definite specific directions and move on. Suddenly all the world will make sense to you. Limitations, failures, heartbreaks they would seem like planned events in life pushing or pointing towards something. Something that ties them all up and decodes their mysteries, something that makes sense of every happening in your life, something that makes you feel isolated from the rest of the world (in a good way )though there are threads of bond spinning away from you to the people and things you love and care for.

“Knowing has always been different from realizing”.

“That which is taught has been always different from that which is learnt”.

“Fight not your life, for the Universe truly is not your enemy, whatsoever”.

“You are never too young to be spiritual (not religious, spiritual) or to be learned.”

861341
Travel within your mind, there are interesting things, an entire world.

Your signs of destiny can be often so encrypted by events and confusions that you perhaps are the only soul to make sense of it . Do not let anybody make sense of your life, trust me. Wise and good people do not tell you what your life is about. They will tell you what LIFE is about, what “YOUR LIFE IS ABOUT” they will let you figure it out by yourself. Because you were born alone and will die alone. It is your right and duty to walk your lonesome path yet free yet loved. Words are the body only, their meaning puts soul into them. In fact in the journey of finding yourself, you should get lost inside your mind, you should explore all its labyrinths in silence and understand everything, both prominent and hidden. Then you should also find a way out of your mind. And let that path stay. For future journeys and references. Your mind is where you dwell, not in places where you think “This is what other people think, I’ll be like them but I’ll pretend to be different”.  You will not die a satisfied person. Nothing can satisfy you better than living as yourself, wanting nothing but happy with that which is RIGHT.

tumblr_m0wmlmEEAA1r1o2ffo1_500
Figure out your own rhythm

We all are tied by tiny invisible threads of the universe. Some refer it to the “DOMINO EFFECT”, every event or happening sets off a series of happenings. So every decision you take, every action you do will affect those around you in big or small ways. So how do you know what to do and what to choose? Wise people would say “You will feel like it, in here”. Yes that place that houses that soft thumping organ, that space that holds your heart, simply you can feel it in your heart. This is right. And surprisingly, the brain and its logic will not oppose and resist. They will seem to be in balance and in harmony. You will feel you need NOBODY else’s consent, NOBODY’s. That is your higher calling. “The Gut feeling”. It hardly fails, you would have known it yourself, so go  ahead yet move with caution and always retreat when necessary.

IN there.............
IN there………….

This state of BALANCE is a sign you will soon understand the meaning of your life. The reason why you were born into this family, this geographical location, into this body, the reason why you went to this Kindergarten school, educated at a particular college, the reason why you won and lost certain battles. That moment which binds and ties all the events of your life and you feel no bloody need to explain yourself to the world and you feel an unfailing silence and hysteria(silent hysteria) better off calling it “INNER PEACE”, that moment will unfold your destiny.

First life will prepare you for it, the thing called “DESTINY”. If you were a passionate and emotional person who never let go of the smallest or biggest things, if you were somebody who did things once you felt them to be right, no matter what the consequence, if you have lived a life of solidarity and isolation even when you were really with people and you have harmed very few people(animals included) in your path of life so far, well this is your calling. Nobody would need to tell you where to go, you will figure it by yourself. Still there are challenges, there will be. You should not be obsessed by the concept of DESTINY and regard yourself as very special, accept the truth. If you die tomorrow, it won’t matter much to the universe as much as a fly dying. Death is death no matter who dies unless he is leaving back some legacy for others to learn and benefit from. So be ready for anything ahead. So far the journey had been good. But staying in balance is essential. For you can go rocketing in the wrong direction if you get “OBSESSESED WITH ONE PERSON OR THING” like James Redfield says in his book “THE CELESTINE PROPHECY”. Other than moments of perfect passionate work towards what you want, you should be able to come back to a normal life instead of going lane to lane advertising you are in “YOUR HIGHEST POTENTIAL”. If you do and if your depending and demanding from others, YOU ARE BEING WRONG. Accepting you are and you were wrong and being completely flexible to learning and completely practicing PATIENCE and full  TOLERANCE become inevitable.

tumblr_static_tumblr_static_tracks_into_the_mist_1280
Those who want to come with you, naturally will. Do not wait too long.

You will stop expecting things eventually, so when good things happen you can truly feel their aura and when bad things do, you will learn and move on. You will know that who are meant to come with you will. You will not use the excuse of “Possessiveness or jealousy”. Those who are MEANT TO COME WITH YOU…. “WILL”, on their own, with your little effort. This stage is not the stage of a hermit or sage as we are taught (and you are never too young to be one), it is a stage in The AWAKENING PROCESS that few are lucky enough to experience. You may also experience abandoning food addictions by yourself and eat and sleep in balance, you will begin taking care of your body( WHO ELSE WILL HELP YOU DO ALL YOUR WORK?).You will also talk when necessary, retreat into silence when there is nothing to talk to.You will apologize when necessary. You will not beg people to understand you. You will not act false. You will not take material losses too hard. Simply put, “The list of the things you fear will shrink to a surprising proportion”. You will let things happen, watching them both as The Master and as The Student.You will take both positive and negative criticism positively. You will know yet when to OFFEND when necessary.Some people need and deserve it, yes.

This stage will not come easily to those who only rely heavily on facts. Because their mind is wired in such a way that without attestation from somebody else, it would take and act upon nothing, such is the unfortunate fact . Read enough, modify when necessary, take walks and shop like a normal person, inside you will feel different but and you will know it.

when the student is ready, the teacher appears
when the student is ready, the teacher appears

Any bit of arrogance and ego must be burst to smithereens, by you of course. Remember that nobody’s an angel. That would not be “Being humble” or “Anti-Biblical” but the truth. Angels do not exist in human form amongst us, (they are a different kind). Not amongst us wanting and living the life like every other human. Getting a high on life like that is not a miracle, many people experience it. Just not in big numbers to be prominent. It’s a process , a stage in human life. Some who are lucky enough go through it. Many happen to be people “Who proudly wear their heart on their sleeves”( Quoted from Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix)”. Hold on when you have to. Let go when you have to. Do not stomp the ground and bat the floor like an infant that life was not fair, we have crossed stages of infancy, we do not want to be doing that all over again. Do not blame anybody for your misfortunes openly, neither praise in the open. Instead work towards what scriptures long preached, “DESTINY”. P.S. hurt nor destroy no good heart in the process, do not take other people’s decisions, do not demand understanding from people. You do not need alms.  Do not destroy emotions, just pack them at the bottom of your heart, wait for the right time”.

within the stillness of your heart
within the stillness of your heart

One more thing,  “Do not be afraid to be W  E   I  R  D”.

SCULPTOR OF THE JOURNEY-NO EXCUSE RIDER

onward bound responsibility
onward bound responsibility

“ AMONG ALL THOSE ENTITLED WITH THE RIGHT OF MAKING MISTAKES, DOCTORS, ENGINEERS and MOTORISTS  ARE NOT THE ONES “

“ Dear dad, I made a big mistake today. Much stupider than unexpected mistakes are those that are anticipated but overruled by over-confidence, I will never make them again” she wrote. The mistake was one during parking. The unexpected arena of riding mistakes- PARKING.

A professor once said to me “God has gifted you with good senses, limbs, a healthy body, a stable mind, good parents, food, good clothes, education, air and water, and good friends in fact all this  more than necessary. What more do you want from life? Want more?, work for it”.

With all the good senses, an entire system, blood stream, chemo-electrical nerve relays, chemicals, millions of neurons and   6X10 27   atoms  working in your favor, never make a mistake especially not on the road, NOT WITH A MACHINE YOU CALL “VEHICLE”

.

Miles bound-miles of bond/ PC:  Kingsly Livingston
Miles bound-miles of bond/ PC: Kingsly Livingston

They are more than just transit systems, more than just carriers. “Machine” one would call them. Machines are reliable, at least more than most people, be it your mobile phone or your car or bread toaster. Humans conceive of them, design and assemble them. Machines ask for nothing but some input and minimal care and a place to call theirs, a location. People change even with simple, everyday circumstances, they get greedy, they act out of character, machines do not.  People breakdown often unpredictably Machines don’t, if they do, we don’t keep them.

No excuses, not in this place called THE ROAD. No excuse no matter what, in fact there should not be. Human beings can sense any event seconds before they actually happen say studies revealing on the human nature of event prediction. Just that our senses are actually sharper than we think. Well then the chance events on the road are quiet predictable. Any driver would know either this or that would happen. So you cannot really say “I did not anticipate an accident”, you should have, if you had, you  may (may) have been able to predict it and perhaps prevent it especially if it had been  your fault. On the road, “I was careless”, “I was disturbed by something else”, “I got scared”, “I took a call”, “I lost balance”, “I got diverted”, “I was late”, NOTHING, NOTHING CAN EVER BE AN EXCUSE. Its not an arena of excuses. Once over is over, smaller or bigger the damage, individual or mutual/collateral  damage, if it was one person getting hurt or many, its still a serious mistake, a grave one. Like they say “If you cannot handle the challenges on the road, DON’T GET ON TO IT.” There are already plenty of idiots on the road, YOU NEEDN’T BE ONE OF THEM.

Anything that happens to us, anything that we think or do, everything begins in the small 1260 cu cm volume space called the head or specifically, the brain. So the way you react to your surroundings, the stimuli, the events everything is a conscious and controllable impulse that begins as tiny chemo-electrical signals and chemical-compounds in your brain. Simply put, you can control yourself no matter in what situation, you can also control the machine you are supposed to be in control with.

  • the prefrontal cortex of the brain analyses the tracking to the destination
  • the right lateral prefrontal cortex senses unexpected features like obstacles
  • the anterior prefrontal cortex plans diversions, decision making
  • the hippocampus plans the initial route
  • The retrolensial cortex sees expected landmarks etc.brain wiring for navigation

So by nature we are wired to navigate, search routes, find our way home, tackle obstacles etc. So by no excuse a driver should ever try to excuse himself from his mistake. No way, when he has the resources in his brain with all the senses adding up to his advantage. Every emotion , feeling, quality originates in the brain and can be simulated by practice before actually getting on the road like military simulative drills before the actual battlefield.

A clever man once said “ Think of all the worst possible scenarios you will have to deal with before you step out of your home, make a mind map of how you would solve them or handle them then nothing would surprise you and you will have an added advantage in facing them, that is not pessimistic thinking, its probabilistic calculation”.

Once on to or into  you your transit buddy- your vehicle, just like your hands and head, he or she becomes an extension of your conscious body, a part of you.Like the “Tsaheylu” bond between the rider and the Ikran in “AVATAR”, a conscious bond between them.  Think that way and you will not fail the MACHINE nor yourself. No excuses after a GRAVE mistake on the road, I mean who is going to listen to them?

the bond
the bond

The movie Premium Rush demonstrates the bike messenger  protagonist Wilee calculate in seconds as to which  right path he has to take on a busy street. He predicts the outcome of each path transit before seconds of choosing and executing the decision. Though difficult to apply, its not a bad and impossible strategy.

Google images/premium rush
Google images/premium rush

They say nothing in this world can be truly yours, not the case with vehicles, they are yours and belong to you fully. You become completely responsible for every mile covered, every fortune, misfortune, every weather travelled through, every happy or unhappy moment, every slow and speeding journey, every landscape transit without putting your foot down on the path, they are yours and yours always. A buddy for a journey within the journey of life- Not an ordinary buddy, they are your first buddy.

Google image courtesy
Google image courtesy: Joseph Gordon Levitt/ Premium rush

It is said a true motorist respects the rules of riding and driving, of the road and off the road he cares and respects his transit partner. A human bond between a human and a machine. A loyal one.  For the true rider he/she is not a symbol of pride alone, he/she is not for showing off arrogance, he/she is a symbol of the rider’s spirit, for the passion of travel, a solitary getaway planner slow or fast, to a destination near or far, a bond that can never be defiled by unfaithfulness. A wordless communication that perhaps lasts a lifetime. A true rider rectifies his or her mistakes even before they become evident on the road. Its love of perfection. It’s respect for life on the road, mutual respect between fellow motorists, a respect for the peaceful need of society. A true motorist does not show off often, he showcases skill only when necessary. Riding/driving is testimony to the statement that WE DO HAVE CONTROL OVER MANY THINGS IN LIFE. We do.

https://www.facebook.com/kingsly.livingston?fref=ts
PC and in the Picture: Kingsly Livingston- Rider Passion  https://www.facebook.com/kingsly.livingston?fref=ts

“I promise as long as I remain conscious, I will never ever make a mistake that way dad, never ever, see you tomorrow” penning these down, she shut the journal.

OH WHY LOVE MY LOVE..?? READ ON

Do we need love?
Do we need love?

LOVE AND WHY

WE have heard and read numerous poems and emotional verses about what we call “Romantic Love”. We have heard and seen families fall apart because of the ensuing battle of two people to live together or have also heard about their failure to keep up post-marital understanding and intimacy. Hence we conclude that the so called FEELING is temporary and fading. So is the shallow judgment. Let us take a look at the facts a little bit historically and scientifically. In the beginning of the world perhaps, the concept of a mutually respecting couple as a basic unit of society may not have existed because there was no need of it. Creatures all over just needed to ensure propagation of their respective species. We can see that as creatures evolved from unicellular loners to reptiles, birds and then mammals the concept of group living, herds, prides etc. of animals came into effect. Simply civilization and growth of intelligence fuelled and supported the concept of “single mate” or monogamous relationships and wholesome living within the community became as important as living and surviving itself. . So the concept of choosing a mate did not stop with having a family alone, it continued into care of newborn ones until maturity. You can see that in many bird species including the Penguins. (It is a charm to see a Penguin family).

Then came in man whose predecessors, the Apes and Primates   demonstrated COMMUNITY LIVING and GUIDELINES of Group living. Then man’s civilization levels grew and man began appreciating woman than just the bearer of his offspring. Appreciation and care was the basis of love. What else can it be?. Monogamous relationships exist throughout the animal kingdom without the social ritual of Marriage. But we humans do have the practice. They say it is not just intelligence but the power of empathy and understanding that makes man “MORE INTELLIGENT” than the rest of the species. The concept of CHOOSING A MATE gives a creature his independence in life. If animals can live satisfied with that till death, what is the harm if humans had to do the same? For majority of the population (whether they admit it or not) life is all about Loving and being Loved. What more can satisfy a living creature? Imagine the conception or creation of a child without love? Does that even seem right to you? No. It doesn’t because that means moving backwards in the evolutionary ladder. If you are the individual unit of a community and your bonding with another being will create a new complex unit called family, the choice by nature’s way, by the way of Higher intelligence must be yours, in fact yours only.

We call the concept of true love farfetched and impractical. We call those who believe in it as dreamers and fools. Well listen to this, Reptiles live, protect themselves, choose a mate within a short time, produce offsprings BUT THEY DO NOT FORM CLOSE BONDS WITH THEIR MATES NOR THEIR OFFSPRINGS. Their emotional range is all about fear, anger, vigilance and sensing danger. Do you get it? So if you live a life with no bonds and call yourself a practical party animal, you are right, you are the animal, moved far behind in the evolutionary ladder. Simply put, if you are intelligent by nature you must be able to LOVE and make lifelong bonds with people and understand that intelligence is not just about math and knowhow.  In fact you can see people with High IQ as well as a Good social behavior as well as an adequate Emotional Intelligence.

Courtship is the act of meeting, impressing the other partner and deciding on whether a family together would be suitable. Human beings do that the LONGEST, which is beautiful. They meet, get impressed and feet-swept by each other. Show each other that they like each other, dream, appreciate, associate them with little and big things, remember each others’ birthdays express care, concern, loyalty, sincerity and give up for each other, fight for each other, protect the other, stand for each other and then promise a lifetime together. Imagine the brainpower necessary to process these complex information and manage other things in accordance to these. The satisfaction released by Endorphins in the brain by the thought of love acts as a natural stress reliever and pain killer to handle the other pressures of life. Nobody teaches people all these too much. They feel it themselves. Non-verbal translation of Intelligence and information. Now tell me who is STUPID? the ones who shun love or the ones who appreciate , ADORE and CELEBRATE it?

BEGINNINGS CHANGE

The lonesome lap
The lonesome lap

I ate, walked about, browsed for pictures I liked on Tumblr, read on weight loss, skin and hair health, viewed and reviewed facebook profiles, listened over and over again to the songs I loved for about one year. I would have died may be or ended up in mental asylum, if it were not for the internet. I love u WWW. Almost one year had passed and I still felt the same, empty, numb, question-less, answerless and distracted. May be different, a little but by a very small magnitude. I met lots of new people who gave me new ideas, who tried their best to make me feel better when I complained about the trying and limiting situation I had put myself in. No difference. People asked me to just follow my passion and build a career. Sad part is I could not .I did not feel like. It seemed so that even if I truly wanted to get there, I probably wouldn’t. Family was the word hanging in my mind yet something was missing and I felt I would be greedy if I went chasing for it again. I had got out of one physical jail to another virtual one. This time it had killed zeal and creativity. Or so it seemed. Confused? Read on folks. I’m just going to tell you about bad luck, introversion and a good start. I believed in the concept that the Universe was a mass of living and observing Consciousness. It knew exactly what to give you and when. That is I believed.I believed that madly until I realized how people thought of me as a fool for talking about this. My wrong judgments about people took a toll on my reputation. My normally introversive image had twisted into a blur of COMPLICATED, TALKATIVE, WEIRD personality. Not that the people who thought so mattered to me but what surprised me was, how much these people could do and say when they hate you. I owe that to myself though. It took me time to realize that people don’t need to be told anything and they need not feel or think the same way you do and being nice was perhaps wrong. That realization set me apart from the rest mentally. No need to explain yourself. No need to worry about people’s opinions. They will Talk ANYWAY. They want to talk about you. Because weird or different, you seem to stand out. Intentional or not, you are a separate entity of your own. Mentally independent. Now that is a Good thing. Only when you distance yourself you can understand who really get you or not. Everybody  whom you hangout with can’t be  your friends can they?. Whether the fault lay with you or them, distance was not a bad thing. It was good. No harm done.

INTROVERSION:

Now coming to Introversion. No man was fully an introvert nor an extrovert said somebody. Situations make you introverted or extroverted. The decision to be this or that way may be conscious or naturally forthcoming. Introverts are deep thinkers, they say so. So introverts think. Where do the thoughts go?. It obviously transforms their face into a serious mould they often sport. They are often lost in their own world. WORLD is what you call it. THOUGHTS , that is how they call them. The thoughts become the foundation of creativity. Some paint, some write poems, some talk to people they feel they are comfortable with.They keep finding a medium of expression not because they want to show off but because that’s the only way they can empty themselves of surfacing thoughts. So a writer is essentially an introvert or they have to be, atleast while they write. Their conversations would be information yielding or deriving, simple. You don’t like what they ask or say, you tell them simply to the face. Instead of cursing on their very existence or the way they live. Yes they may be wrong or freaking so TELL “THEM”.Its just a request. Introverts are often empathetic but they connect with people whom they consider are of the same thinking frequency. Well let weird people exist. They do not hurt people, they do  not break hearts or empty your pocket. You don’t like the way they are does not mean THEY SHOULD NOT EXIST. RIGHT?

SO WHY RUN AGAIN?:

Run in the direction of your fear they say. Because otherwise too you would keep thinking about fear. Believing in the same thing that sabotaged you, small or big is risk laden. Especially when most people close to you do not believe you. Well the only question that rose in My mind in context of the life that I live was, “To live normally without zeal, abandoning ambition, being obedient, satisfying what family alone expects of me..how long?”. What if there comes a moment that I want to take a turn around but I find no road ahead?. Now there is the road. I still have me. There is some time though less. I even stopped praying or asking for things because I thought I would only ask for the wrong things. I had abandoned the crazy zeal that had been with me as old as my time with my parents itself. It stood beside me. Now I was abandoning it. Or I thought it was bad for me. I had unfriended it. That was why I felt empty. I waited for winds to change. Some faux-gales passed by.I did not believe the real wind. Why not I think this is a SIGN? why not give it a safe try? It’s a long and short life. Its not that I should never RUN AGAIN. I will walk now. When am sure and get the gut feeling, I will RUN. The final lap to a new journey ahead, into something written for all of us.. DESTINY. Until then, whomsoever believes me or not, I have no bloody choice but to believe in me. So much drama in a tiny head? WAR, LOVE, MURDER and KINDNESS..they begin in the HEAD too….